Guess the batters

AB R H  2B 3B HR RBI SB CS BB SO  AVG  OBP  SLG  OPS
45 5 10 3  0  0   6  0  0  3  8  .222 .308 .289 .597
40 3 7  1  0  1   2  0  0  6  11 .175 .283 .275 .558
41 4 6  2  0  0   4  1  0  7  11 .146 .271 .195 .466
43 6 3  0  0  1   3  0  0  9  10 .070 .231 .140 .370
40 3 4  1  0  0   1  0  0  6  14 .100 .217 .125 .342

(See below.)

  1. Prince Fielder
  2. Miguel Cabrera
  3. Russell Martin
  4. David Ortiz
  5. Andruw Jones

Point being?

Hyperbolic melodrama is best left to entertainment options like pro football, wrestling, and the presidential race.